Green M&M's
by PeinSaku
Summary: When she saw the e-mail was from Ino, she should have deleted it. But, of course, being the curious little person she was, Sakura had opened it. She couldn't help it; she just had to know. — AU. Crack!fic


Hey people! Alright, so here's the deal:

The person I'm beta-ing (**Miranda-chan**) suggested that we both write a Peinsaku one-shot. She found out from someone (I don't know if it's true, but what the hell) that green M&M's make men horny. Heh heh, you can see where this is going!

So, yeah, anyways...DON'T SUE ME OR MIRANDA-CHAN! We didn't steal the idea or anything!! I don't own Naruto!

* * *

Sakura couldn't believe it.

Here she was, sitting in front of her laptop, reading some half-assed e-mail from her friend, Ino. When she saw it was from Ino, she should have deleted it. But, of course, being the curious little person she was, Sakura had opened it.

Who wouldn't though? The subject line of the e-mail had said:

'_Green M&M's Make Men Horny!!1 XDD'_

Sakura couldn't help it; she just _had_ to know.

_You think it really works?_ she asked her Inner. Said Inner replied with an evil giggle and a giant blush.

_**DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!!**_

Sakura felt the strong urge to slap herself.

_Who am I kidding?_ she wondered, sighing to herself. _Ino is _always_ full of shit._

_**No harm in trying.**_ her Inner reminded her all-too eagerly.

Sakura paused. It was tempting. _Very_ tempting.

_Ah, screw it. If it doesn't work, I can always eat the M&M's myself._

_**YES!!**_

--

Pein sighed in exhaustion as he pulled into the driveway. He sat in the sleek black car for a moment longer, listening to the end of a Metallica song. A smile twitched on his lips as he pulled the keys out of the ignition, getting out of the car. _King Nothing_ was his favorite Metallica song.

Pein grabbed his bag from the backseat of the car and shut the door. He pulled out his keys as he neared the front door, unlocking it effortlessly.

"How was work?"

Pein glanced at his wife with a smile.

"Fine, but you know I prefer to be at home," he replied smoothly.

"Oh! So cocky!"

Pein shot her a slightly-suggestive smirk, making a point to show off the muscles on his chest and arms as he stuffed his bag on the top closet shelf. Sakura smiled back flirtatiously.

The rosette pressed against him from behind, wrapping her arms around his middle. She rested her cheek against his back and sighed. Pein twisted in her grip, sliding his arms around her waist.

"Hey, princess," he murmured, kissing the top of her head. "How was your day?"

"Boring," she mumbled into his chest. "Tsunade-shishou forced me to take to day off from the hospital."

He laughed gently, the soft rumbling in his chest soothing his wife.

"Well, Mrs. Reiame, I believe she made the correct decision," Pein teased. Sakura pouted and played along.

"Oh, really, Mr. Reiame? And why is that?"

"Because you work too hard."

Sakura made a face at her husband, and he chuckled lightly.

"So, what have you been doing all day?" Pein asked, giving her a sweet kiss. "I'm surprised that you haven't killed yourself to relieve the boredom."

Sakura laughed and kissed him again. "Well, about that...you see, I got this e-mail from Ino-"

"Is it about how to pick up five guys in one night, again?" Pein asked flatly, cutting her off. Sakura snorted.

"Of course not," she said in amusement, her eyes glittering mischievously. Pein raised an eyebrow, his smirk returning.

"Oh?" Sakura shivered slightly as his tone deepened. "Then what is it?"

"Well," she breathed teasingly, her lips inches from his. "I guess you'll find out, ne?" His smirk widened. "But first...I have a bowl of M&M's." He arched an eyebrow again.

"M&M's?" he echoed blankly.

A large, wicked, cat-like grin stretched across Sakura's lips.

"Yep. M&M's."

"...why do you have M&M's?"

"They're stuffed with chocolate. What other reason would there be?"

Pein studied his wife suspiciously; there was something she wasn't telling him. Sakura grinned and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the couch. She pushed him onto the middle cushion and turned around, but Pein wasn't having that. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and pulled her down. Sakura squeaked in surprise as she landed in his lap, cradling a bowl of green M&M's.

With a smile, Sakura leaned back against him. She raised the bowl.

"M&M?"

Pein failed to conceal an amused expression as he took three, popping them into his mouth. Sakura watched his every movement.

"So, what did this e-mail say?" Pein asked lazily, taking two more M&M's.

"That green M&M's make men horny."

He choked on the M&M's, going into a coughing fit.

"W-what?" he stammered as Sakura fought to hold in her laughter at his face.

"You heard me."

Pein stared at her. Sakura's lips trembled as she tried not to giggle, and she bit the inside of her cheek.

A strange expression suddenly crossed Pein's features.

"You know, Sakura," he whispered huskily, turning her around so that she faced him. "I just realized something."

He gave her a searing kiss, making Sakura's insides melt. She kissed him back roughly, gripping the front of his shirt tightly. When they finally parted, Sakura was gasping for breath.

"...and what...is that?" she breathed between kisses.

Pein kissed her deeply again, and her mind reeled. Sakura slid her hands into his hair, reinforcing her hold on him. After a moment, he pulled back and stared into her eyes, his own gray ones smoldering. His hot breath fanned out across her face.

"Your eyes are also green."


End file.
